XenoMemories

This is the last post for this blog as I have created 2 new blogs to split the normal me and bitchy me.
White and Black

Today is 44th National Day of Singapore. First time I was not in Singapore during National Day. But that does not stop us from having a good time. We went to Golden Gate Park for picnic. We made and bought some foods. Games like Chinese Chess, Bridge and Frisbee were played. We also listened to several National Day songs while enjoying the great food. My favourite part of the day was reminiscing in late 80s and early 90s Singapore drama as we listened to their theme song. Cheesy but really bring back a lot of memories. Oops… I feel soooo old…

Just to add on to the previous post, I feel that everyone is important in our life whether they are good or bad. The person I love taught me the feeling of loving someone. The person who loved me allowed me to experience what it felt to be loved by someone. My friends taught me the importance of friendship and how I can support another friend that I met in my life. The person who cheated me showed me the evil and danger in this world. The people who have left this world taught me the importance of life and time and that I should cherish it. Our life is like a piece of raw diamond. It is through polishing and cutting (life experience) before our life can shine and glitters. I always think that life is a learning journey. (To reach enlightenment?) What part do you play in another person’s life and what role does another person assume in your life?

Xiaomei found this website and sent it to me. I thought that it was well written so I posted it here.
Original post:
http://topic.love0.com/forum/topic.aspx?id=2579635&lev=0

第一个是自己，
第二个是你最爱的人，
第三个是最爱你的人，
第四个是共度一生的人.
首先会遇到你最爱的人，然後体会到爱的感觉；
因为了解被爱的感觉，所以才能发现最爱你的人；
当你经历过爱人与被爱，学会了爱，才会知道什么是你需要的，
也才会找到最适合你，能够相处一辈子的人。
但很悲哀的，在现实生活中，这三个人通常不是同一个人；
你最爱的，往往没有选择你；
最爱你的，往往不是你最爱的；
而最长久的，偏偏不是你最爱也不是最爱你的，
只是在最适合的时间出现的那个人。
你，会是别人生命中的第几个人？
没有人是故意要变心的，他爱你的时候是真的爱你，
可是他不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了，
他爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你；
同样的，他不爱你的时候也没有办法假装爱你 。
当一个人不爱你要离开你，
你要问自己还爱不爱他，
如果你也不爱他了，千万别为了可怜的自尊而不肯离开；
如果你还爱他，你应该会希望他过得幸福快乐，
希望他跟真正爱的人在一起，绝不会阻止，
你要是阻止他得到真正的幸福，就表示你已经不爱他了，
而如果你不爱他，你又有什么资格指责他变心呢？
爱不是占有，
你喜欢月亮，不可能把月亮拿下来放在脸盆里，
但月亮的光芒仍可照进你的房间。
换句话说，你爱一个人，也可以用另一种方式拥有，
让爱人成为生命里的永恒回忆，
如果你真爱一个人，就要爱他原来的样子─爱他的好，也爱他的坏：
爱他的优点，也爱他的缺点，
绝不能因为爱他，就希望他变成自己所希望的样子，
万一变不成就不爱他了。
真正爱一个人是无法说出原因的，
你只知道无论何时何地、心情好坏，你都希望这个人陪著你；
真正的感情是两人能在最艰苦中相守，也就是没有丝毫要求。
毕竟，感情是付出，而不是只想获得；
分开是一种必然的考验，
如果你们感情不够稳固，只好认输，
真爱是不会变成怨恨的。
两人在谈情说爱的时候，
最喜欢叫对方发誓，许下承诺我们为什么要对方发誓，
就是因为我们不相信对方，我们根本不相信情人，
而这些山盟海誓又很不切实际：
海枯石烂、地老天荒，都不能改变我对你的爱!
明知道海不会枯、石不会烂、地不会老、天不会荒；
就算会，也活不到那时候。
许下诺言的时候千万注意，不要许下可以实现的诺言，
最好是承诺做不到的事，
反正做不到的，随便说说也不要紧，
请记住：”不可能实现的诺言最动人”
在爱情里，说的是一套，做的是另一套；
讲的人不相信，听的人也不相信。
你呢？找到了第几个？
茫茫人海中，你遇见了谁？谁又遇见了你

I will try to translate the important parts to English. Forgive my broken English.
First is yourself
Second is someone you love the most
Third is someone who love you the most
Fourth is someone who will be with you for the rest of your life

You will meet the person you love the most. Then from there you will understand more about love and then you will find the person that love you the most. After understanding love and be loved, then you will understand what you need and will meet the person that will be with you for the rest of your life.

Sadly, the 3 person are more often than not different people. The one you love the most did not choose you. And you did not choose the person that love you the most. The person that stay with you for life is not someone you love the most of love you the most but a person that appears in your life at the right time. Which person are you in another person’s life?

No one changed their heart deliberately. When they love you, they truly love you and vice versa. When they love you, they cannot pretend that they don’t. When they don’t love you, they cannot pretend that they still love you. When someone wants to leave you, try asking yourself if you still love him/her. If you do, you would want them to be happy and be with someone that they like and should not stop them. If you try to stop him/her, that means you do not love him/her anymore then why do you still still stop them or blame them for a change of heart?

If you truly love someone, you have to love his/her good and bad and not trying to change them to someone that you hope for in your mind. If you failed to transform them, then you stop loving them?

When two persons are in a relationship, they like to make each other make promises. The most absurd it is the better?
“I will love you till the end of time”. “Even if the sea dries up, I will still love you.” “Nothing will change my love for you.” We know very well that the time will not end or the sea will not dry up. Even if they really will, we are probably dead by then. But people still love to hear these…

Ok. This is my comment for this last part. Someone once said that I am not a romantic person. Probably. Because I don’t like to lie especially infront of someone I love. I would rather make promises that I can fulfill than to say something ridiculous to make her happy. I don’t want her to blame me in the future for not fulfilling my promises. I may not be romantic as many of the hypocrite are but at least I know I am true…

Such a meaningful passage. I hope everyone enjoy it as much as I do =)

These were what I bought from my LA and NY trip. Hehe…
Does not include things that I bought for friends.

1. Nintendo World Jacket - It was calling for me the moment I saw it. Hehe…
2. Disgaea T-shirt - Looks nice
3. Taiko soundtrack - I love Taiko!!! And it is on 50% discount
4. Clue - I wanted to get Cluedo for a long time and this is special Disney version. Hahaha
5. Cat plushie - How can I resist such a cute plush???
6. Suguri game - Quite a fun game and support game developers
7. Various keychains - Till now I don’t know why I got those FF keychain. The Mario ones are nice though

In case anyone did not realize, I have posted about my LA and NY trip. Check the post from 3rd - 6th July.

I saw this nick on a friend’s MSN.
“we are most impatient and unreasonable with the people we are most comfortable with”
This short message triggered the philosophical me and images of my past relationship started appearing. For each images, I came up with a statement written below.

我会纠正你是因为 我不要你重蹈覆辙
我会唠叨是因为 我关心你
我会无理取闹是因为 我害怕失去你
我会骂你是因为 我爱你

thank you…

Ok. I think I must have frightened everyone who read my blog. I am supposed to be the calmest and strongest person ever exist. At least my mask said so. But all man will break down one day don’t they? That day just came for me. For my friends who have no idea what caused the mental breakdown, read through the first 3 posts and find the common points. Anyway, so far there are only 2 things that can cause me to breakdown. Should not be too difficult to guess.

The sun still rise and the flowers still bloom. The Earth still spin, my time still move on. Time for me to move on… Probably everything is fated. I am just sad that I got the timing wrong which resulted into a deja vu. At least I learned my lesson. Do it when the opportunity comes. There may not be a tomorrow or the opportunity may not be there by then. However, deep inside i still hope for another chance. However that can only happen if something bad occurs which I do not hope so. Contradiction.

Thank you all who gave me support during the past few days. I am okay. Appreciate that.

Zeph asked me again today why I want to be with someone. This is a question that I never got an accurate answer. I tried asking friends but none of them can give me something adequate. I have pondered about this many times too.

Since young we were told stories of prince and princess falling in love and live happily ever after. We were exposed to relationship and forming a family. Maybe I was unconsciously brainwashed to want to be in a relationship. Maybe all the people are. Or is being together in the genes? Our genes make us attracted to one another.

So back to the question. Why people want to be together? This is my answer to Zeph. I guess I just want to make her happy. Being with her is easier to make her happy. Of course she can also be happy if she is with someone or being alone. If love is about making the other person happy then I feel I should respect her decision. Afterall it is a 2 person game. I am not trying to be a saint here. Maybe this is just an excuse so that I will not be upset.

It is almost seems like I am typing my blog at the edge of a rooftop ready to make a final jump. No. I am far from it. I can’t suicide. It is not rational. Even if I want to, my rational self will take over my body before I attempted it. It is like Suzaku in Code Geass with the “Live on” geass cast on him. Alternatively, maybe I am just afraid to die. I fear the unknown. What happens after death? But honestly suicide is stupid. If I am going to let go of my life, I would rather end it in a more meaningful way. Like going to Afghanistan and kill Osama or venture into the Bermuda triangle and solve the mystery in it? Since I will die anyway, might as well end it more beautifully.

Since young I have always wondered about death. Is there life after death or will I just return to the Earth as cells and molecules? Will I still have a soul? I remember that when I was a kid I would wake up in the middle of the night crying when I ponder about death. I would lose everything after death. No more senses or soul. No restart from save point or continue.

In a book which I read in the past, the author described the world after death as a nice place. The author reasoned it with the fact that no one has come back after death, they must be having a good time there. Of course this is flawed but I find this interesting. Buddhism named the world “Ji Le Shi Jie”, literally translate to “Extremely joyful world”. Maybe it is a fun world for human who has transcended to the state of immortality.

Taoism believed that there is reincarnation. That’s mean after death, human will reincarnate into the world as human or other animals again. Not too bad since we can get to come back again. At least we still can restart the game. For evil people, they will suffer in hell going through all the different tortures. If they are lucky, they still can reincarnate. If not they will suffer forever in hell or also known as the 18 levels of hell.

So what will happen to us after death. Maybe we will really return to the Earth as cells and molecules. No one will know until then and by that time we cannot tell it to anyone. The fear of the unknown is probably the most scary thing in the world. Actually, why am I even thinking about it? When death comes, it comes. We can’t run or hide. Why don’t we just live on and live life meaningfully. Okay. This is a useless blog entry…